Really??!!!

So as most of you may know this year has started out a little rough. In fact I have given this year the name, "Shitstorm 2011". I think it's quite catchy but you can decide for yourself. This year has included lost jobs, strange illnesses, hospital visits/bills, financial troubles, and dumb landlords. Well a shitstorm wouldn't be complete without a family tragedy thrown in now would it?

My stepdad passed away early Thursday morning. They put him on the ventilator to do the doctors performing a biopsy on his lungs. And as feared he wasn't able to get off the ventilator. I hope you have a tissue handy just in case. The first 5 days on it he was unconscious. Then after that he woke up and was able to write things. My mom wasn't there when he first woke up but all his kids were. The first thing he wrote was "tell Kaye I love her very very much" then, "You kids are the best in the world." After that it got harder to read. The next thing he wrote was something about taking good care of the kids. I think he was trying to say take care of the grandkids. The fourth page was scribbles. The big problem w/him being awake was that he would eventually have a hard time breathing and have to be knocked out again. But he woke up in spurts. And when he did wake up he usually would cry and want to try and write but wasn't able to. After my mom fianlly got there that day he started crying when he saw her walk in the room. At one point I held his hand while sleeping. He woke up and started crying when he saw me too. (I told you, you may need a tissue) The next day he was only able to write one word which was "dog". I think he wanted to see his dog before he went.

But what led to the decision to take off the ventialtor was even when he was asleep he was having trouble breathing. Ultimately, they had to decide that it was better for him to go peacefully. My mom called me about 10:45 pm on Wednesday night to say they were taking him off and going to let him pass. Joe and I drove down to the hospital. My mom, step siblings and grandparents were there. They basically sedated him enough that he was asleep and wouldn't wake up once the ventialtor was pulled out. We all thought it would take about 5 or 10 minutes for him to pass but it took over an hour. He basically layed there sleeping and trying to breathe. Then his heart slowly stopped beating. Talk about an emotional week.

My Mom and Rick were married about 17 years. Even now it's just weird that he's gone. I knew he was sick and probably wouldn't live to be 90 or anything, but I thought he at least had a few years left in him. I thought he would at least see some of his grandkids become teenagers. The worst part of it was seeing my mom so sad. I think she's doing better now because he's not suffering anymore and she did have time to prepare herself. My niece Quianah (pronounced Kiana, or just kiki) is four years old and was Grandpa's girl. The next day everyone was at my mom's house and in the kitchen she said to herself "I want my Papa." Later that day she started crying and told my mom how much she missed him. That also tore my heart out because she's such a sweet little girl and has such a sweet voice. Oh and the next day she said that she wants to die so she can see Papa.

His services will be later this week. I'm grateful that my mom has a lot of support as well. RIP Rick, we will miss you.