Not a whole lot has happened since my last post. I had a killer sinus infection that kicked my ass and put me out of commission for about two weeks. I can actually sleep and breathe again. The sucky part was not being able do anything, such as going to zumba class. I would have gone tonight but I had to go to a staff meeting. Our staff meetings at Sally's are always the last Tuesday of the month. I also somehow threw my back out for a couple days. The sad part is I'm really not sure how I did it. I just got up off the couch at work and then had pain in my lower back and had a hard time standing and walking. But it only lasted a day and a half. While these things aren't really serious by any means I just feel like it was another set back I could have lived without.
Joe will hopefully start school in the fall. We're both hoping that he will qualify for financial aid this time around. When he did the paperwork I had a whoping nine dollars in my checking account so I'm hoping that will be a good thing when looking at his paperwork. While we both think it will be a good thing in the long run we're not looking forward to never really seeing each other and the toll it will take on his sleep. Joe already has a college degree but obviously isn't using it. He has a teaching degree but realized he didn't want to be a teacher. A few years ago he tried to return to school but took time off as he ended up in the ER with chest pains from anxiety.
On another subject, can I just say that I get pissed off everytime my student loan bill comes in the mail. And I feel like that damn thing never seems to get smaller. If I could do anything over it would be college. I wouldn't have gone until I actually know what I wanted to do. Or I would have gone away to a four year college in another city if I had the priveledge of my parents paying for it all. While my Dad payed for his share of my tuition I also had to pay my own way for quite a bit at SCC. The whole experience is way different when you actually get to go away and just be a student somewhere. Wheras, I had to work all the time at a shitty job that I hated then somehow try to be a student too. I can't say how much I really learned because I had to bullshit my way through quite a bit just to get by. And that's just what I did; I barely scraped by. I couldn't work reduced hours because I had to put a portion of every paycheck away to pay for tuition and books. At least if I had gone away I would have gotten the whole experience and had a lot more fun. All I really have to show for it is a uselesss degree that even if I went and got a masters degree I would make like two more dollars an hour.
I guess that this isn't where I saw myself at twenty-seven years old. I figured I would finally have a car that wasn't shit on wheels, own a home, and have a decent job. And I never thought that I would be this weight ever again. However, I never thought I would be married so I guess it's a good compromise. And I would rather have Joe than all those things but living pay check to paycheck is starting to get old. Not that he or I were ever rich before but at least we didn't need help paying bills.
I also have extreme guilt getting help. Mainly because I've always been the one that never needed help because I was the responsible one. And I can't help but think where we would be without help. Homeless probably, or with a credit score in toilet. I would like to take this time to recognize my family also. If I hadn't had their support during college I would have just dropped out because I know I never would have made it. I almost did drop out quite a few times. (Although I'm not convinced that I shouldn't have) If I had become a Subway manager I would be making at waaay more money. But at least I still have my soul and didn't have to sell it, which is what I would have had to do there.
I'm just feeling very unsatisified with life. I feel like every morning I start out on a conquest but it just ends in failure by the time I go to bed. I know I have a lot of great things but I guess I'm just envious of all the things I don't have. One of my favorite quotes from "As Good as it Gets" (great movie if you haven't seen it) goes like this. "You're not pissed off that you had it so bad, you're just pissed that others had it so good." Or something to that effect. Sorry to be a Debbie downer but I just don't have any stories about rainbows and ponies or potato salad right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment