Poopshoes

Over the last few weeks I've been wanting to blog more but just haven't been able to find the energy. I have some good news but mainly not so good news I guess. Where to even start I don't know. I'll try to keep my rambling to a minimum but I make no promises.

The good news is that I was able to get added to Joe's insurance and get my cat scan done. I think it was kind of a waste of time but I'm not a doctor. They basically just got a closer look at the lympnodes on my lungs that they already knew were there. I was told that I would need a biopsy so the internal medicine doctor I was referred to referred me to a lung specialist. He however didn't seem to think that there was a big rush for it. Or to do anything really. Since most symptoms of sarcodoises go away on their own he didn't seem to think I needed medication. I kind of agree since it has slowly gotten better. Try telling that to my mother who has been up my ass to make another appointment. She means well but has been making me crazy. Because she seems to think that she knows more than the doctor.

The party didn't last after getting insurance since they didn't inform Joe that it would cost him a little over $400 a month to insure me. Now Joe makes $12/hr so that's like a quarter of his paycheck. I went from working 60 hours a week to 19. So our income has gone way down into the shitter. So that's been depressing since we had a lot of plans that won't happen now. One is moving to a bigger place. So all my hard work from working 2 jobs for 8 months was basically for nothing. No new car, no new place. I was really looking forward to going car shopping but after i got laid off that went out the window. So did moving, buying a new tv, fixing Joes broken windshield and various other things that we wanted to do.

I've always been a workaholic so not being able to work full time sucks. And having bad feet and not being able to walk around has been even worse. I basically spent all day trying hard not to feel to sorry for myself because I know it won't change anything but it's been a struggle. I also get bored so I want to eat all day. And when I'm not eating I'm thinking about it. It's quite sad really. I'm ashamed to admit that I bought a box of those raspberry filled powder doughnuts (my nemesis for years) and it didn't stand a chance. I've ate a whole box by myself before but over a couple days. This thing was gone in hours. And I hid the box in the bottom of the garbage to hide the evidence. What kind of a normal person does that?? But I must admit they were damn tasty. And worth every last stupid calorie.

Oh and the transport department where Joe works in the hospital may have to do some layoffs. There's even a rumor going around that they may cut the department all together. I don't believe that will happen and neither does Joe.

I was approve for unemployment. But it's been a god damn joke. I've received about $135 from them so far. Oh and I had to pay them $26 dollars. Apparently going into the hospital makes you unavailable for work so they think I was overpaid. Those fuckers. Never mind the fact that it was a day that I don't normally even work. And if I was in the hospital wouldn't I need that damn $26 ???

In case you couldn't tell I've kind of been a red hot mess. And I don't see a sign of stopping anytime soon. I've been looking for a job but it's not a promising market. The most pathetic part is that I actually enjoy my job. But I need full time and more money. I've also been having this weird urge to have a baby even though I said I didn't want one right away. And I still don't but we were hoping maybe next year. But at this rate we will never be able to afford children, and I'll never be stable enough to handle it.

But the saddest thing of all is that my biggest accomplishment sine getting laid off is moving up 5 levels in farmville and mastering about ten or so crops. Ugh. What the hell has happened to my life??