I realize it's not quite November yet but I feel the need to discuss the upcoming holiday season. There are so many things to love and hate this time of year. By January I feel like a crazy person.
Allow me to explain.As I mentioned there are so many things that make me happy this time of year. I love decorating for Christmas!! I love the music on the radio and in the stores. I'm one of those people that is always singing Christmas carols. And when I find the perfect gift for someone I get so excited! Decorating the tree is also my favorite thing to do. I like to put it up after Thanksgiving and keep it up till New Years. I like spending time with loved ones. I am so very excited to celebrate Graysons first Christmas and start new memories and traditions with him!! I am having so much fun shopping for him already.
Now you might be thinking what could possibly be bad about the holidays? Well I will tell you. I hate crowds, and I hate spending money. I love buying presents but when you don't have the money it makes it harder to actually enjoy shopping. It just adds to my financial stress. I love spending time with family but sometimes I find it so stressful. Just once I would like to just stay home and not leave. Traveling from house to house all day really gets tiresome. As a child of divorce I am used to doing things more than once. I'll even admit that as a kid it was actually cool to get more presents. I can even handle two or three stops but anymore than that and it gets ridiculous. And the thought of dragging poor Grayson around all day makes me stressed.
I basically just feel that no matter what I decide or how many places I go somebody is always disappointed. And I hate that feeling. But really we have to put ourselves and Grayson first. So if somebody has hurt feelings well I guess that will be their problem. We will try our best to be accommodating but we can only do so much. The fact that Joe and I don't work the typical 9-5 schedule and work at places that are open 24 hours a day everyday doesn't help. Trying to plan around our schedules can be a royal pain!
And then there is Thanksgiving. Not a super fan and never really have been. I wouldn't say I hate it but I could skip it one year and be fine. I guess I don't really care for a lot of Thanksgiving food. Sweet potatoes? Gross. Pumpkin pie? Yuck. Stuffing? Not so much. Cranberry sauce? No thanks. Turkey? Yes please! But only white meat. Mashed potatoes? Yum, but only if they are made right. Corn? Sure. Rolls. Yep. The best thing about Thanksgiving in my book are the appetizers before hand. And Grandma Milly's shrimp cocktails. Not real traditional but tasty. But I've had two, sometimes three Thanksgiving dinners before. Not real good for the waistline but oh well. One year I really do want to stay home and try and make a turkey. I mean it can't be that hard right? I think that me making Thanksgiving dinner would either a complete disaster or the best meal ever. But I figure that if it's disaster at least it will make a good story. Maybe someday. Hopefully sooner than later.
And I know I've talked about this before but I will bring it up again. I'm not looking forward to getting on facebook and seeing stupid post about Christmas vs happy Holidays. Because it's just so stupid and people are so damn sensitive about everything. People get upset over happy holidays because they say you are taking the Christ out of Christmas. Well who the hell cares? Last I heard people could greet someone however the hell they want. I think that Christians (I'm stereotyping here) seem to often think that their religion and views are the only ones that are important. Hello, people there are other holidays going on. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years, festivus. And plenty of atheist still celebrate Christmas. But what gets me is I find things that say "I only say Merry Christmas..blah blah blah" (or something to that effect) very condescending. I mean say whatever you want, but don't judge or put down others for using a different greeting than you would prefer. It's basically saying that you're beliefs are more important than everybody else's. And if someone were to say, "have a good weekend" nobody would get uppity and demand they only get told to "have a very special Saturday" would they? Hell, someone telling me "Happy Holidays" is certainly better than a "fuck off" isn't it?
On that happy note I will leave you. As I go into the season this year I will try to not let the bs bother me and just enjoy the good things. As Grayson gets older I want him to love the holidays and not feel any stress or anxiety I may have. I am almost done shopping and make more money this year so that already makes my life easier. I plan on sending out Christmas cards but we will see how far I get as I've been saying that the last two years. Till next time friends.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
So I Suck at Blogging Lately
Hello all. I'm pretty sure I start off every blog by saying that it has been awhile. I really hate that I don't have the time to write as much as I want to. I have so many fun things that I want to talk about. But between taking care of Grayson, working two jobs, taking care of the house, and trying to squeeze in sleep it leaves me with little free time.
Grayson will be five months old at the end of the month. I can't believe how much he has grown, and how much he seems to learn everyday. He is desperately trying to crawl. He can nudge himself forward a little bit on his knees but that's as far as he gets. By that point he usually starts crying because he is pissed off that he's not going anywhere. He's slowly trying to sit up on his own too. I'll have my hands full when he is mobile because he already tries to grab everything and does if he can reach it. He just started holding his own bottle but has trouble with the wider ones.
His favorite thing right now is to sit in the play chair thingy. I have no idea what they are actually called. But it's the thing where they stand/sit in it and it has all the crap for them to play with. This thing has been a lifesaver for me. He will stay content in there just playing for quite a while. He will entertain himself and just babble and laugh. My favorite sound is the sound of him giggling. Unfortuantely when I turn the video camera on he ceases to make any noise. But he really does jabber all day long. Someday I will get more proof.
I still work overnights three nights a week. This was pretty easy before school started because I could sleep when I came home. Joe goes to work at one pm so I could sleep till about noon. Well school started a few weeks ago and it has been a bit of a rough transistion back to two jobs. But I recently got a permanent postion so no more subbing. This way I know where and when I will be everyday. The best part is the school is about two blocks from my house so I can walk. But in the morning I usally drive so I can sleep longer.
I go there in the morning and work as a crossing guard. Then I go home until lunch time. I come back and work in the lunchroom. So I'm done at 12:35 pm everyday. Joe has been dropping off Grayson with a sitter (friend or family member, whoever it is that day) on his way to work. Then I go pick him up when I get off. So he only is with someone for about half an hour to forty-five minutes. I wish I had a neighbor or something who could just come to my house and hang with him until I get home. But I won't complain too much. It beats paying for daycare. The only stressful part is having to plan out the sitter schedule every week. And I'm afraid that I'm going to start bugging people. Hopefully this won't happen as they only have him for a short amount of time.
In other news I finished the Fifty Shades of Grey series. I really enjoyed the last two books. There was a lot more drama and excitement to keep the story moving along. After I finished I was in search of a new book to read. We own the Series of Unfortunate Events series so I decided to give them a try. I just started the 4th book and I think they are only so so. The author's humor and witt are fun, but I feel the first 3 books were so short that they could have been combined into one book. And they were all pretty much the same book. The same things happened, just with different characters. According to Joe they don't start to get good until book five. So I haven't given up on them yet. At least they were short and easy and didn't waste too much of my time.
Oh yeah I almost forgot to update about weight watchers! I've lost 28 pounds so far! Although this week I kind of have been sucking. But it has been a mixed blessing. It has made me look at and realize some of my bad habits. For example, when I was subbing I would have time between jobs. I didn't always want to go home in between so I would stop and go out to lunch. Or I would run to the gas station to get lunch on my way to the next school. I still feel the urge to do this just because it was a habit. But with having the new job right by my house it has made it way easier. And I walk there for the lunch shift so that gives me about a 30 minute walk everyday. (Fifteen minutes to and from) It feels so good to actually have the numbers on the scale go down and not up. I still have a long way to go though but I feel better about myself than I have in a long time.
Maybe next time I will actually post pictures. But I say that a lot too so who knows. Joe and I have a busy weekend ahead. We have a birthday party on Saturday and on Sunday we are doing the juvenile diabetes walk. All I have to say right now is TGIF! Till next time friends!
Grayson will be five months old at the end of the month. I can't believe how much he has grown, and how much he seems to learn everyday. He is desperately trying to crawl. He can nudge himself forward a little bit on his knees but that's as far as he gets. By that point he usually starts crying because he is pissed off that he's not going anywhere. He's slowly trying to sit up on his own too. I'll have my hands full when he is mobile because he already tries to grab everything and does if he can reach it. He just started holding his own bottle but has trouble with the wider ones.
His favorite thing right now is to sit in the play chair thingy. I have no idea what they are actually called. But it's the thing where they stand/sit in it and it has all the crap for them to play with. This thing has been a lifesaver for me. He will stay content in there just playing for quite a while. He will entertain himself and just babble and laugh. My favorite sound is the sound of him giggling. Unfortuantely when I turn the video camera on he ceases to make any noise. But he really does jabber all day long. Someday I will get more proof.
I still work overnights three nights a week. This was pretty easy before school started because I could sleep when I came home. Joe goes to work at one pm so I could sleep till about noon. Well school started a few weeks ago and it has been a bit of a rough transistion back to two jobs. But I recently got a permanent postion so no more subbing. This way I know where and when I will be everyday. The best part is the school is about two blocks from my house so I can walk. But in the morning I usally drive so I can sleep longer.
I go there in the morning and work as a crossing guard. Then I go home until lunch time. I come back and work in the lunchroom. So I'm done at 12:35 pm everyday. Joe has been dropping off Grayson with a sitter (friend or family member, whoever it is that day) on his way to work. Then I go pick him up when I get off. So he only is with someone for about half an hour to forty-five minutes. I wish I had a neighbor or something who could just come to my house and hang with him until I get home. But I won't complain too much. It beats paying for daycare. The only stressful part is having to plan out the sitter schedule every week. And I'm afraid that I'm going to start bugging people. Hopefully this won't happen as they only have him for a short amount of time.
In other news I finished the Fifty Shades of Grey series. I really enjoyed the last two books. There was a lot more drama and excitement to keep the story moving along. After I finished I was in search of a new book to read. We own the Series of Unfortunate Events series so I decided to give them a try. I just started the 4th book and I think they are only so so. The author's humor and witt are fun, but I feel the first 3 books were so short that they could have been combined into one book. And they were all pretty much the same book. The same things happened, just with different characters. According to Joe they don't start to get good until book five. So I haven't given up on them yet. At least they were short and easy and didn't waste too much of my time.
Oh yeah I almost forgot to update about weight watchers! I've lost 28 pounds so far! Although this week I kind of have been sucking. But it has been a mixed blessing. It has made me look at and realize some of my bad habits. For example, when I was subbing I would have time between jobs. I didn't always want to go home in between so I would stop and go out to lunch. Or I would run to the gas station to get lunch on my way to the next school. I still feel the urge to do this just because it was a habit. But with having the new job right by my house it has made it way easier. And I walk there for the lunch shift so that gives me about a 30 minute walk everyday. (Fifteen minutes to and from) It feels so good to actually have the numbers on the scale go down and not up. I still have a long way to go though but I feel better about myself than I have in a long time.
Maybe next time I will actually post pictures. But I say that a lot too so who knows. Joe and I have a busy weekend ahead. We have a birthday party on Saturday and on Sunday we are doing the juvenile diabetes walk. All I have to say right now is TGIF! Till next time friends!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
My Thoughts on Fifty Shades of Grey
Yes I finally finished the book. But before I dive in let me give you the back story on how I even got started reading the book in the first place...
I had just had a baby so I was off work and up early everyday. I also was pretty much couch bound as I had a c section. But you already knew that. Well during this time I watched a lot of daytime tv. Every talk show kept mentioning this book Fifty Shades of Grey. I had never heard of it and had no idea what it was about. Well come to find out it was some sort of kinky love story involving bondage. Now who could resist that?
I did at first, but as the days of my tv watching went by I heard more things. Such as that it was selling in record numbers, some libraries had banned it, and it was being called mommy porn. Well I'm not one to be out of the loop so I decided I had to read what all the fuss was about. I mentioned to Joe that I wanted to read it. And he being the good listener that he is got it for me for Mother's Day. I can just picture it now. My kids all grown up and asking what Dad got Mom for her first Mother's Day. And then I say, "Why he got me a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. What is it you ask? Well you just buy a copy for yourself and check it out dear."
But back to the book. My overall impression is that it's a dirty version of Twilight. Let me explain. The two female characters have similar personalities. Bella and Anastasia are both plain, average girls with no self esteem. They both have never dated because despite lots of guys asking them out, the right guy just has never seemed to spark interest. They both are smart and live in a different city than their eccentric mother. And despite their average in every wayness, a incredibly good looking and rich guy falls for them. Only in Shades the guy is an s & m freak billionaire instead of a vampire. Despite these girls not thinking they are good enough for said men, the men come in and sweep them off their feet. Oh and both storeis take place in Washington state.
However, Anastasia has a sense of humor wheras Bella is pretty much a robot. The biggesst difference is that Ana let's her virginity get taken... and then some.
Christian Grey is also a more complicated and interesting character than Edward. For me what really drove the story was wanting to know more about him. As the reader we know he has secrets and some dark things in his past. But he also has a caring and funny side to him. That's how I got roped into wanting to read the next book. But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.
Now let's jump right into what you all want to know. (Admit it) The sex scenes. For something that caused quite a ruckus I was expecting some pretty weird and kinky shit. They had conversations about weird stuff but when it came down to it I didn't feel the sex scenes were worse than any other novel out these days. There was just a lot more of them. But maybe my expectations were raised since the book was banned. I will admit that I was somewhat interested when he mentioned the carabiner on the ceiling. How the hell does that work? Maybe I don't want to know.
And let's go back to the being banned part. Which first off banning any book is ridiculous. Adults can't tell other adults what to read. I mean you might as well ban every other romance novel on the market. Hell why not ban the bible there's some pretty messed up shit in there too. Okay sorry I got side tracked. I'll get off my soap box now.
But back to the story. Despite their sexual relationship I do feel that Ana and Christian have chemistry outside the bedroom. Meaning they have real conversations and joke with each other. And they genuinely enjoy each others company. So despite them coming from completely different worlds I see them working as a couple. They just have some obstacles to work through.
I don't want to reveal too much but I will say that we do find out a few things about what makes Christian tick. I'll just say he was adopted, his mother was a crach whore, and he was somebody's submissive for six years. If you want to know more you'll have to read the book. As I was reading it I decided that I didn't want to read the rest of the series. But those last 30 or so pages roped me right in. Bastards.
Last night I picked up the other two books but haven't started reading them yet. I also just finished the latest Sookie Stackhouse book. I enjoyed it very much and was sad when it was over. I'm telling you, if you haven't read that series you're missing out. I'm hoping the next two Shades stories aren't a total waste but we'll see.
I had just had a baby so I was off work and up early everyday. I also was pretty much couch bound as I had a c section. But you already knew that. Well during this time I watched a lot of daytime tv. Every talk show kept mentioning this book Fifty Shades of Grey. I had never heard of it and had no idea what it was about. Well come to find out it was some sort of kinky love story involving bondage. Now who could resist that?
I did at first, but as the days of my tv watching went by I heard more things. Such as that it was selling in record numbers, some libraries had banned it, and it was being called mommy porn. Well I'm not one to be out of the loop so I decided I had to read what all the fuss was about. I mentioned to Joe that I wanted to read it. And he being the good listener that he is got it for me for Mother's Day. I can just picture it now. My kids all grown up and asking what Dad got Mom for her first Mother's Day. And then I say, "Why he got me a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. What is it you ask? Well you just buy a copy for yourself and check it out dear."
But back to the book. My overall impression is that it's a dirty version of Twilight. Let me explain. The two female characters have similar personalities. Bella and Anastasia are both plain, average girls with no self esteem. They both have never dated because despite lots of guys asking them out, the right guy just has never seemed to spark interest. They both are smart and live in a different city than their eccentric mother. And despite their average in every wayness, a incredibly good looking and rich guy falls for them. Only in Shades the guy is an s & m freak billionaire instead of a vampire. Despite these girls not thinking they are good enough for said men, the men come in and sweep them off their feet. Oh and both storeis take place in Washington state.
However, Anastasia has a sense of humor wheras Bella is pretty much a robot. The biggesst difference is that Ana let's her virginity get taken... and then some.
Christian Grey is also a more complicated and interesting character than Edward. For me what really drove the story was wanting to know more about him. As the reader we know he has secrets and some dark things in his past. But he also has a caring and funny side to him. That's how I got roped into wanting to read the next book. But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.
Now let's jump right into what you all want to know. (Admit it) The sex scenes. For something that caused quite a ruckus I was expecting some pretty weird and kinky shit. They had conversations about weird stuff but when it came down to it I didn't feel the sex scenes were worse than any other novel out these days. There was just a lot more of them. But maybe my expectations were raised since the book was banned. I will admit that I was somewhat interested when he mentioned the carabiner on the ceiling. How the hell does that work? Maybe I don't want to know.
And let's go back to the being banned part. Which first off banning any book is ridiculous. Adults can't tell other adults what to read. I mean you might as well ban every other romance novel on the market. Hell why not ban the bible there's some pretty messed up shit in there too. Okay sorry I got side tracked. I'll get off my soap box now.
But back to the story. Despite their sexual relationship I do feel that Ana and Christian have chemistry outside the bedroom. Meaning they have real conversations and joke with each other. And they genuinely enjoy each others company. So despite them coming from completely different worlds I see them working as a couple. They just have some obstacles to work through.
I don't want to reveal too much but I will say that we do find out a few things about what makes Christian tick. I'll just say he was adopted, his mother was a crach whore, and he was somebody's submissive for six years. If you want to know more you'll have to read the book. As I was reading it I decided that I didn't want to read the rest of the series. But those last 30 or so pages roped me right in. Bastards.
Last night I picked up the other two books but haven't started reading them yet. I also just finished the latest Sookie Stackhouse book. I enjoyed it very much and was sad when it was over. I'm telling you, if you haven't read that series you're missing out. I'm hoping the next two Shades stories aren't a total waste but we'll see.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Baby Steps
So I last left off with discussing how weight watchers was going. Current total is 12 pounds down so far. This last week I also tried to get in more activity. Allow me to discuss.
Since I do not have the time to go to the gym or go to zumba as much as I would like I need to get more creative. I do like putting Grayson in the stroller and going on a walk but with the 98 degree heat I haven't been taking him out because I think he would just get too hot. I did decide to try a workout dvd called Buff Moms. It has four short workouts on it. Which is good if you're short on time. You can do one or all four. I did one and Grayson was still asleep so I decided to do the ab workout. Let me remind everyone that into the second trimester of pregnancy they don't recommend ab exercises. And after a c section it was six more weeks of no working the stomach muscles. So it had been about eight months since my abs got any exercise. I did a plank and felt like I was getting ripped in half. I also made it to the gym twice this week. My stomach has been sore all week long. I think I'll try and go walk around the mall with him so we don't have to deal with the heat.
I'm having trouble deciding what a goal weight should be. I just don't want to be unrealistic and pick some goal weight that I won't be able to maintain. I guess for now I'll just keep on trucking and see where it takes me. I also have another wedding to be in next year so that is some motivation for me. But I really didn't start weight watchers to lose a few pounds. I did it because I want to change my life. And besides no matter how much weight I lose I'll still be the fattest bridesmaid so I just need to get used to that.
But enough of dieting let's talk about something else. Grayson is getting so big already. He last weighed in at 13 pounds and 24.5 inches. He is also holding his head and chest up better when put on his stomach. As much as I hate getting up early he is usually his happiest in the morning and full of smiles. Above is one of my favorite pictures of him.
I wish I knew what babies are thinking. Especially what they dream about. He sometimes cries in his sleep and smiles too. I'm still just in awe of him. It's hard to think about him being five one day and going to Kindergarten.
Other than Grayson and ww I don't really lead a very exciting life. I'm a little over halfway in Fifty Shades of Grey. And don't worry I will be posting a review when I finish. I'm contemplating signing up for the triathlon at Liberty Lake next year. But not sure how I would train for it. You need time to do it and with a small child I'm not sure how I would. How does one train for the swim without a pool or a gym with a pool?? Do I need a new bike? Or is my current bike okay? What if I don't train for the swim and drown in the lake? It's these kinds of questions that plague me. But I have until the fall to think about it I guess. Not much else to say today. Till next time friends.
Since I do not have the time to go to the gym or go to zumba as much as I would like I need to get more creative. I do like putting Grayson in the stroller and going on a walk but with the 98 degree heat I haven't been taking him out because I think he would just get too hot. I did decide to try a workout dvd called Buff Moms. It has four short workouts on it. Which is good if you're short on time. You can do one or all four. I did one and Grayson was still asleep so I decided to do the ab workout. Let me remind everyone that into the second trimester of pregnancy they don't recommend ab exercises. And after a c section it was six more weeks of no working the stomach muscles. So it had been about eight months since my abs got any exercise. I did a plank and felt like I was getting ripped in half. I also made it to the gym twice this week. My stomach has been sore all week long. I think I'll try and go walk around the mall with him so we don't have to deal with the heat.
I'm having trouble deciding what a goal weight should be. I just don't want to be unrealistic and pick some goal weight that I won't be able to maintain. I guess for now I'll just keep on trucking and see where it takes me. I also have another wedding to be in next year so that is some motivation for me. But I really didn't start weight watchers to lose a few pounds. I did it because I want to change my life. And besides no matter how much weight I lose I'll still be the fattest bridesmaid so I just need to get used to that.
I wish I knew what babies are thinking. Especially what they dream about. He sometimes cries in his sleep and smiles too. I'm still just in awe of him. It's hard to think about him being five one day and going to Kindergarten.
Other than Grayson and ww I don't really lead a very exciting life. I'm a little over halfway in Fifty Shades of Grey. And don't worry I will be posting a review when I finish. I'm contemplating signing up for the triathlon at Liberty Lake next year. But not sure how I would train for it. You need time to do it and with a small child I'm not sure how I would. How does one train for the swim without a pool or a gym with a pool?? Do I need a new bike? Or is my current bike okay? What if I don't train for the swim and drown in the lake? It's these kinds of questions that plague me. But I have until the fall to think about it I guess. Not much else to say today. Till next time friends.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Light Bulb
Hello again friends. Just some quick updates in the life of me. I'm back at work three nights a week. Working overnights is rough but Joe usually let's me sleep since he doesn't go to work till one. So far so good. But by the time it's Friday I'm pretty tired. I wish I had more time to blog but try to find the time when I can. I wanted to write this current blog weeks ago but better late than never.
I've recently decided to join weight watchers again. The first time I joined just to get the stuff to learn how to do it. I never went to meetings as I was a full time college student and working almost full time. Whenever there was a meeting I either had class or work so meetings weren't really an option. I also didn't think that I needed them. Tomorrow will be my fourth meeting since rejoining and I actually enjoy them. But I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Allow me to backtrack.
My past attempts at weight watchers (ww for short) went well but I clearly fell off the wagon a few times. Usually when I would get down to 22 points a day I just couldn't do it. I felt like I was starving and just quit. Or I thought I knew it all and would slack on keeping track of my points. But I decided to rejoin mainly because with baby I don't have time to hit the gym or zumba like I used to. I actually enjoy working out but my eating has never been in control.
Reading the scale has been just embarrassing. There was a time in my life that I could proudly say I lost over 60 pounds on my own. I kept it off for years and swore I would never go back to that weight. But here I am having gained almost all of it back. I also can't help but feel like a failure. I was a success story but now I'm where I started and it sucks. For a long time I was in denial about how much weight I had gained since I put it on slowly. But the scale and my too small clothes don't lie. But what really made me notice was pictures. I would look at pictures of me and think, 'what the hell happened? Am I really that fat?'
So let's go back to me rejoining ww. At my first meeting the lady said something that really stuck with me and has given me so much motivation. The topic was what food is worthy. Basically they want you to eat what you like. Use your points only on what you deem worthy. The statement, "we don't want you to anything that you aren't willing to do for the rest of your life." just clicked with me. I had a rhetorical light bulb over my head. It just made so much sense to me. Realistically I won't give up all junk food. To say that I will never eat pizza or ice cream ever again is ridiculous. I just don't need to go on constant binders.
Before during all my other dieting attempts I would say, "oh I can't have that now." But I just need to realize that I can have it sometimes. I shouldn't feel deprived. And I don't. It's still an adjustment though. I can have a Mt. Dew sometimes, but I don't need one everyday. I would also get frustrated if I screwed up and ate something that was a bad choice. I basically had a screw it attitude and then just ate crap the rest of the day because my points had already gone to hell. Now I just need to not beat myself up over one bad decision.
The hardest part for me will be finding new ways to cope with stress. Food is the one thing I go to when things don't go my way. It should not be my comfort. I really don't have an answer for this but hopefully can figure it out. The good thing is my work is not that stressful and I don't come home wanting to ravage the fridge.
My biggest motivation is Grayson. He deserves the best mom that I can be. I don't want to be a fat, lazy mom that can't play with her kids. I also want this lifestyle change so that our kids don't grow up fat. The thought of him going through what I did is heartbreaking to me. I try to tell myself to think of him whenever I want sweets. I love him more than cookies but damn it if they don't taste delicious.
I know it will take time but I know I can do this. I've done it once I can do it again. And I want it to be for good this time. I don't want to rejoin five years from now back here again. I've lost almost 8 pounds so far. It's a good start on what I hope will be an amazing journey.
I've recently decided to join weight watchers again. The first time I joined just to get the stuff to learn how to do it. I never went to meetings as I was a full time college student and working almost full time. Whenever there was a meeting I either had class or work so meetings weren't really an option. I also didn't think that I needed them. Tomorrow will be my fourth meeting since rejoining and I actually enjoy them. But I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Allow me to backtrack.
My past attempts at weight watchers (ww for short) went well but I clearly fell off the wagon a few times. Usually when I would get down to 22 points a day I just couldn't do it. I felt like I was starving and just quit. Or I thought I knew it all and would slack on keeping track of my points. But I decided to rejoin mainly because with baby I don't have time to hit the gym or zumba like I used to. I actually enjoy working out but my eating has never been in control.
Reading the scale has been just embarrassing. There was a time in my life that I could proudly say I lost over 60 pounds on my own. I kept it off for years and swore I would never go back to that weight. But here I am having gained almost all of it back. I also can't help but feel like a failure. I was a success story but now I'm where I started and it sucks. For a long time I was in denial about how much weight I had gained since I put it on slowly. But the scale and my too small clothes don't lie. But what really made me notice was pictures. I would look at pictures of me and think, 'what the hell happened? Am I really that fat?'
So let's go back to me rejoining ww. At my first meeting the lady said something that really stuck with me and has given me so much motivation. The topic was what food is worthy. Basically they want you to eat what you like. Use your points only on what you deem worthy. The statement, "we don't want you to anything that you aren't willing to do for the rest of your life." just clicked with me. I had a rhetorical light bulb over my head. It just made so much sense to me. Realistically I won't give up all junk food. To say that I will never eat pizza or ice cream ever again is ridiculous. I just don't need to go on constant binders.
Before during all my other dieting attempts I would say, "oh I can't have that now." But I just need to realize that I can have it sometimes. I shouldn't feel deprived. And I don't. It's still an adjustment though. I can have a Mt. Dew sometimes, but I don't need one everyday. I would also get frustrated if I screwed up and ate something that was a bad choice. I basically had a screw it attitude and then just ate crap the rest of the day because my points had already gone to hell. Now I just need to not beat myself up over one bad decision.
The hardest part for me will be finding new ways to cope with stress. Food is the one thing I go to when things don't go my way. It should not be my comfort. I really don't have an answer for this but hopefully can figure it out. The good thing is my work is not that stressful and I don't come home wanting to ravage the fridge.
My biggest motivation is Grayson. He deserves the best mom that I can be. I don't want to be a fat, lazy mom that can't play with her kids. I also want this lifestyle change so that our kids don't grow up fat. The thought of him going through what I did is heartbreaking to me. I try to tell myself to think of him whenever I want sweets. I love him more than cookies but damn it if they don't taste delicious.
I know it will take time but I know I can do this. I've done it once I can do it again. And I want it to be for good this time. I don't want to rejoin five years from now back here again. I've lost almost 8 pounds so far. It's a good start on what I hope will be an amazing journey.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Life With Baby
Grayson is a little over a month old now and I wanted to give a few updates on how things are going. People have asked if it was what I was expecting. This is hard to answer because I feel like in some ways yes and some ways no. I have lots of nieces and nephews so I had some idea of what it would be like, but at the same time it's so different with your own.
I thought I would be much more nervous and scattered than I am. I feel surprisingly calm most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I have had my teary and frustrated moments but then have gotten over it. Having Joe home at first was a big help. He was off work for three weeks. It was also such a help to have him to do the dishes and make me food etc. We are also blessed with lots of family and friends that brought us meals so it was one less thing to worry about.
When we first brought him home he screamed bloody murder every time he got his diaper changed. All I would have to do was lay him on the changing table and he would start as if he know what was coming. This was the most frustrating thing for me because he is also very squirmy. It was almost a two person job just to change him. It was a battle every time just to get the new diaper on. Thankfully he's gotten better at this. Now he only cries 90% of the time that he gets changed and he doesn't squirm quite as much. Taking a bath is still quite the struggle though. The worst part being when he gets his hair washed. I really need to get it on film to capture the madness. If you just heard the audio I'm sure most people would think we were abusing him.
I'm also quite spoiled that I don't get up with him at night. Joe gets off work at 9:30 pm so when he comes home he stays up late with him. I just have to get up early with him. He usually wakes up around 3:30-4 am. (usually not long after Joe goes to bed) He doesn't always get up at this time but he is awake at 6 am everyday. Sometimes he will go right back to sleep but most of the time he's up. If I feed him first he usually poops while he's eating. So I usually feed him before I change him. A few people have also told me that talking about bodily functions will be normal after having a baby. Well I already talked about poop before so there's no change there.
I couldn't tell what color his eyes were going to be as they seemed to change everyday. One day they looked blue, the next brown. But I'm hoping they will be blue. The last few days they have stayed blue so let's hope they stay that way. I was really hoping he would have blue eyes like Joe.
Since I've made you wait long enough for nursery pics here they are. Here are some before pics
This pic above is Joe's DVD and CD shelves being packed up. Yes, that shelf to the right was packed full of DVDs. And not just any movies but all b movies. If you don't know what a b movie is it's basically a cheap crap movie. They now sit in boxes in the closet. And Joe has quite the attachment to them. It was a sad for him I could tell.
Another shot of crap in the room. I had a few more but can't find them. This room was basically the junk/hoarders room.
Lisa hiding under an empty box.
This godzilla was on top of the bookshelf. Mona and him are good friends. The after pics I'm sure some of you have seen before but here they are again. I had a scary pic of the room before of right when you opened the door and am quite upset I can't find it. Oh well. Enjoy!
I'm enjoying being home right now and not looking forward to going back to work. Even in a month I can tell he's already grown and changed so much. He's starting to stay awake longer and is so alert. He stares at our engagement pictures on the wall all the time. He will lay on the floor and just hang out. After a while he wants up but he will lay there without fussing. At about two weeks old he rolled from his belly to his back. I was totally shocked when he did it as it seemed so soon. He tries sometimes to roll from his back but only gets his legs turned and half his body.
That's about all the updates for now. I didn't expect to love him so much and not be grossed out by gross things like diapers and boogers. I may change my mind once he starts eating food but for now they aren't that bad. Before I go I will leave you with a picture of him actually awake. This is a picture my friend took. It's one of my faves!
I thought I would be much more nervous and scattered than I am. I feel surprisingly calm most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I have had my teary and frustrated moments but then have gotten over it. Having Joe home at first was a big help. He was off work for three weeks. It was also such a help to have him to do the dishes and make me food etc. We are also blessed with lots of family and friends that brought us meals so it was one less thing to worry about.
When we first brought him home he screamed bloody murder every time he got his diaper changed. All I would have to do was lay him on the changing table and he would start as if he know what was coming. This was the most frustrating thing for me because he is also very squirmy. It was almost a two person job just to change him. It was a battle every time just to get the new diaper on. Thankfully he's gotten better at this. Now he only cries 90% of the time that he gets changed and he doesn't squirm quite as much. Taking a bath is still quite the struggle though. The worst part being when he gets his hair washed. I really need to get it on film to capture the madness. If you just heard the audio I'm sure most people would think we were abusing him.
I'm also quite spoiled that I don't get up with him at night. Joe gets off work at 9:30 pm so when he comes home he stays up late with him. I just have to get up early with him. He usually wakes up around 3:30-4 am. (usually not long after Joe goes to bed) He doesn't always get up at this time but he is awake at 6 am everyday. Sometimes he will go right back to sleep but most of the time he's up. If I feed him first he usually poops while he's eating. So I usually feed him before I change him. A few people have also told me that talking about bodily functions will be normal after having a baby. Well I already talked about poop before so there's no change there.
I couldn't tell what color his eyes were going to be as they seemed to change everyday. One day they looked blue, the next brown. But I'm hoping they will be blue. The last few days they have stayed blue so let's hope they stay that way. I was really hoping he would have blue eyes like Joe.
Since I've made you wait long enough for nursery pics here they are. Here are some before pics
This pic above is Joe's DVD and CD shelves being packed up. Yes, that shelf to the right was packed full of DVDs. And not just any movies but all b movies. If you don't know what a b movie is it's basically a cheap crap movie. They now sit in boxes in the closet. And Joe has quite the attachment to them. It was a sad for him I could tell.
Another shot of crap in the room. I had a few more but can't find them. This room was basically the junk/hoarders room.
Lisa hiding under an empty box.
This godzilla was on top of the bookshelf. Mona and him are good friends. The after pics I'm sure some of you have seen before but here they are again. I had a scary pic of the room before of right when you opened the door and am quite upset I can't find it. Oh well. Enjoy!
I'm enjoying being home right now and not looking forward to going back to work. Even in a month I can tell he's already grown and changed so much. He's starting to stay awake longer and is so alert. He stares at our engagement pictures on the wall all the time. He will lay on the floor and just hang out. After a while he wants up but he will lay there without fussing. At about two weeks old he rolled from his belly to his back. I was totally shocked when he did it as it seemed so soon. He tries sometimes to roll from his back but only gets his legs turned and half his body.
That's about all the updates for now. I didn't expect to love him so much and not be grossed out by gross things like diapers and boogers. I may change my mind once he starts eating food but for now they aren't that bad. Before I go I will leave you with a picture of him actually awake. This is a picture my friend took. It's one of my faves!
Friday, May 11, 2012
My Grayson
So as you may know Grayson finally made his entrance into the world on April 29, 2012. Days before he got here I had the feeling that he would be here soon but felt like he never was going to. I'll try to leave out gross details but I make no promises as I tend to be blunt in my writing.
I'll start at the beginning. I came home from work around 6:30 in the morning (it was a Saturday). I went to bed and woke up around 9ish to use the bathroom. I realized that my mucus plug broke. I looked up online what exactly this meant. What I found out was that it means labor could be hours, days, or weeks away. Which was not helpful at all so I went back to sleep. Or tried to anyway but had a hard time. I think I ended up getting up around 10:30 and got ready for the day. I had plans to go shopping with my friend Krystal.
Once we were shopping I started having contractions but didn't think anything of it as I had been having braxton hicks contractions for a couple weeks. But they started to get progressively stronger as the day went on. When we were at the mall they were anywhere form 7-12 minutes apart. Getting anxious me and Krystal parted ways and I went home. I called my mom and decided to go over to her house so she could take me to the hospital if needed. But once I got there my contractions seemed to just stop. As you can imagine I was extremely irritated by this. I had some while I was there they weren't close together at all. So after about an hour or so I went home feeling defeated. I tried to take a nap as I only had a few hours of sleep. I slept for maybe an hour and a half before waking up in pain. I was having more contractions but they weren't close together. I would have maybe two or three that were about 12 minutes apart but then nothing for half an hour or more. This went on pretty much the rest of the night. I made laps around my living room and went up and down the stairs hope to get things moving.
Joe finally came home from work around 11:30 pm. By this time I was having more pain but didn't think we should go to the hospital since they weren't close together. We left the house about 12:30 am and as we were getting on the freeway Joe said, "Oh shit I don't remember if I locked the door. Should I go back?" To which I said, *sigh* "Yes, we can't just leave the door unlocked." So we did only to find out the door was locked the entire time. Fast forward to getting to the hospital and getting checked in. When the nurse checked me I was at 3 centimeters. She had us walk around for an hour before checking again. After the hour I was at a 4. I was on the fence about getting an epidural as I hate needles and having a giant one put in my spine just freaked me out. But the decision was an easy one as that was the worst pain ever. Most of the pain was in my back which is supposed to be worse but I don't know that for a fact.
So fast forwarding through all the boring stuff. I slept most of my labor anyway so there's not much to tell there. At 10:30 am it was time to push. According to the nurse I was an expert pusher. So I figured that within the hour I would be holding my baby. But that didn't happen. Two hours later still no baby and my epidural was wearing off and I had the worst pain of my life and felt like I was going to die. I was also put on oxygen at this point and had been on it for awhile. The doctor said my choices were to try and keep pushing, try the vacuum or just get the c section. But if the first two didn't work we would have to do a c section anyway. I got emotional and started crying as I really didn't want the c section but it seemed like the best option.
Cut to being numbed up again and on the operating table. First off being awake for any surgery is totally creepy. You can feel them touching you but it doesn't hurt. I just found it creepy knowing they were cutting me open. I was also a little loopy from the medication. I think I asked a hundred times if they were almost done and told them it felt weird several times. I also threw up during it. Not a good time. After what felt like forever I heard a nurse say, "Oh hi cutie." Followed by him crying. There were more tears at this point as I couldn't believe he was finally out. I was also upset that I didn't get to hold him right away. Not that I would have been able to. I started shivering and had the shakes something fierce.
I don't really know how to explain what it was like when I first saw him. The first part of him I saw was his feet and genitals across the room. But finally seeing his face was different. I just thought he was beautiful. Totally cliche I know. And I couldn't believe he was mine. I finally got to hold him in the recovery room. He weighed 8 pounds 10 ounces and was 22 inches long so he was a big boy. And his birth time was 1:46 pm. We spent three nights at the hospital before coming home.
Above is some pictures taken at the hospital minus the last one which was taken at home. The first pic of me and Grayson is pretty rough as I was just wheeled into the recovery room. So far having him home has been great as we all try and get to know each other. It's hard for me to not do too much as I'm still recovering but overall I feel fine. He's already changed so much since these pictures were taken. But we're just enjoying him and falling more in love everyday. <3.
I'll start at the beginning. I came home from work around 6:30 in the morning (it was a Saturday). I went to bed and woke up around 9ish to use the bathroom. I realized that my mucus plug broke. I looked up online what exactly this meant. What I found out was that it means labor could be hours, days, or weeks away. Which was not helpful at all so I went back to sleep. Or tried to anyway but had a hard time. I think I ended up getting up around 10:30 and got ready for the day. I had plans to go shopping with my friend Krystal.
Once we were shopping I started having contractions but didn't think anything of it as I had been having braxton hicks contractions for a couple weeks. But they started to get progressively stronger as the day went on. When we were at the mall they were anywhere form 7-12 minutes apart. Getting anxious me and Krystal parted ways and I went home. I called my mom and decided to go over to her house so she could take me to the hospital if needed. But once I got there my contractions seemed to just stop. As you can imagine I was extremely irritated by this. I had some while I was there they weren't close together at all. So after about an hour or so I went home feeling defeated. I tried to take a nap as I only had a few hours of sleep. I slept for maybe an hour and a half before waking up in pain. I was having more contractions but they weren't close together. I would have maybe two or three that were about 12 minutes apart but then nothing for half an hour or more. This went on pretty much the rest of the night. I made laps around my living room and went up and down the stairs hope to get things moving.
Joe finally came home from work around 11:30 pm. By this time I was having more pain but didn't think we should go to the hospital since they weren't close together. We left the house about 12:30 am and as we were getting on the freeway Joe said, "Oh shit I don't remember if I locked the door. Should I go back?" To which I said, *sigh* "Yes, we can't just leave the door unlocked." So we did only to find out the door was locked the entire time. Fast forward to getting to the hospital and getting checked in. When the nurse checked me I was at 3 centimeters. She had us walk around for an hour before checking again. After the hour I was at a 4. I was on the fence about getting an epidural as I hate needles and having a giant one put in my spine just freaked me out. But the decision was an easy one as that was the worst pain ever. Most of the pain was in my back which is supposed to be worse but I don't know that for a fact.
So fast forwarding through all the boring stuff. I slept most of my labor anyway so there's not much to tell there. At 10:30 am it was time to push. According to the nurse I was an expert pusher. So I figured that within the hour I would be holding my baby. But that didn't happen. Two hours later still no baby and my epidural was wearing off and I had the worst pain of my life and felt like I was going to die. I was also put on oxygen at this point and had been on it for awhile. The doctor said my choices were to try and keep pushing, try the vacuum or just get the c section. But if the first two didn't work we would have to do a c section anyway. I got emotional and started crying as I really didn't want the c section but it seemed like the best option.
Cut to being numbed up again and on the operating table. First off being awake for any surgery is totally creepy. You can feel them touching you but it doesn't hurt. I just found it creepy knowing they were cutting me open. I was also a little loopy from the medication. I think I asked a hundred times if they were almost done and told them it felt weird several times. I also threw up during it. Not a good time. After what felt like forever I heard a nurse say, "Oh hi cutie." Followed by him crying. There were more tears at this point as I couldn't believe he was finally out. I was also upset that I didn't get to hold him right away. Not that I would have been able to. I started shivering and had the shakes something fierce.
I don't really know how to explain what it was like when I first saw him. The first part of him I saw was his feet and genitals across the room. But finally seeing his face was different. I just thought he was beautiful. Totally cliche I know. And I couldn't believe he was mine. I finally got to hold him in the recovery room. He weighed 8 pounds 10 ounces and was 22 inches long so he was a big boy. And his birth time was 1:46 pm. We spent three nights at the hospital before coming home.
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